Hi all,
Just checking in to give everyone an update. I know I still owe Part 5 of my Five Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Moments (it's on its way, I promise!), as well as any other new content I can dig up, but I've been a little extra busy at work the past week and will be devoting a lot of my extra-curricular attention to the NCAA Tournament in the coming days, sooo there you go. Now, I know the golden rule is "No excuses, play like a champion", so instead of trying to justify my lull in activity, I'm simply going to apologize to all 25 or so of my loyal fans, haha.
I'm sorry. I'll have new stuff up soon. Hang in there.
I love you all,
Nate
Friday, March 22, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
A Holy Recommendation - John Chenesky's Ascend EP
The following is an article guest-written by the newly elected Pope Francis, whom I play pickup basketball with every Tuesday. Please treat him with the same respect you've all so graciously shown me. Thanks, Nate.
Greetings my children,
What a blessed day it is to be His Holiness, the Pope! As you can probably imagine, the past week has been a whirlwind for me, what with the papal conclave and all. I've endured ups and downs, highs and lows, screaming Cardinals and soothing prayer, and yet through it all one thing remained constant: my NEED for FEED (which is what I call my subconscious desire to constantly check my Twitter feed, lol). So anyway, Wednesday comes, I'm elected and whatnot, and I notice my boy @NateCalvanese blowing up my Twitter feed about some Ascend EP one of his friends dropped the very same day. Weird, right? An EP with the title Ascend is released the same day I ascend to the pinnacle of Holiness? That can't be coincidence, so I go to check it out.
Mind. Blown.
Have you people heard this thing yet? Because if you haven't, you seriously need to get on it. No lie, I only made it through like three tracks before I was out on the streets of Rome singing its praises. It's that good.
Take it from someone who knows music. Back when I was a young man of only 65 or so, me and a couple of the other Cardinals used to play in heavy metal garage band called The Cardinal Rule. You may have heard our hit single "Do Unto Others." It's the one where we sing about smashing mailboxes and spray painting penises on people's cars--but only if they do it to you first! Anyway, I played bass and did a lot of the backing vocals in the band, so I know what I'm talking about here.
John Chernesky has talent, plain and simple. All you have to do is listen to one of his songs to see that. He uses a beautiful blend of melodies to create a rich ambience for every song on the album, with layers and layers of musical depth. Listen closely and you'll pick up on some of the more intricate details, like the addition of synthesized strings or the subtle use of his voice as an instrument in addition to the lead vocal track. The level of detail is amazing, and it doesn't take much for that to come across. It almost makes me wish we'd kept The Cardinal Rule going. I was almost ready to start writing for an acoustic album called "Whispers from the Confessional," but alas, it wasn't meant to be. I doubt it would've stood up next to John's work anyway.
Moral of the story, you all need to go out and buy this dude's EP. It's available for a measly $5.94 at https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ascend-ep/id619994464 and is guaranteed to leave you satisfied. What else are you going to do with those six dollars anyway? Buy a foot-long Subway sub that's not even really a foot long? I don't think so. If you're looking for a great deal that is honest and actually great (unlike a five dollar foot-long), check out John Chernesky's Ascend EP. You won't be disappointed. Trust me, I'm the pope.
Oh, and thanks for checking out my boy's blog.
PEACE!
Sincerely,
His Holiness, Pope Francis
Greetings my children,
What a blessed day it is to be His Holiness, the Pope! As you can probably imagine, the past week has been a whirlwind for me, what with the papal conclave and all. I've endured ups and downs, highs and lows, screaming Cardinals and soothing prayer, and yet through it all one thing remained constant: my NEED for FEED (which is what I call my subconscious desire to constantly check my Twitter feed, lol). So anyway, Wednesday comes, I'm elected and whatnot, and I notice my boy @NateCalvanese blowing up my Twitter feed about some Ascend EP one of his friends dropped the very same day. Weird, right? An EP with the title Ascend is released the same day I ascend to the pinnacle of Holiness? That can't be coincidence, so I go to check it out.
Mind. Blown.
Have you people heard this thing yet? Because if you haven't, you seriously need to get on it. No lie, I only made it through like three tracks before I was out on the streets of Rome singing its praises. It's that good.
 |
| Everyone knows when the Pope smiles he means business. |
John Chernesky has talent, plain and simple. All you have to do is listen to one of his songs to see that. He uses a beautiful blend of melodies to create a rich ambience for every song on the album, with layers and layers of musical depth. Listen closely and you'll pick up on some of the more intricate details, like the addition of synthesized strings or the subtle use of his voice as an instrument in addition to the lead vocal track. The level of detail is amazing, and it doesn't take much for that to come across. It almost makes me wish we'd kept The Cardinal Rule going. I was almost ready to start writing for an acoustic album called "Whispers from the Confessional," but alas, it wasn't meant to be. I doubt it would've stood up next to John's work anyway.
 |
| I still think my album art was pretty badass though. |
Oh, and thanks for checking out my boy's blog.
PEACE!
Sincerely,
His Holiness, Pope Francis
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Five Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes - Part 4
Over the next few days, I will be releasing five of my favorite Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes. My end goal for this exercise is to have a complete and entertaining list-style article to submit to Cracked.com. That means I need comments, humorous or otherwise, that will help me refine the final article. Thanks in advance, Nate.
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Five Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes - Part 3
Over the next few days, I will be releasing five of my favorite Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes. My end goal for this exercise is to have a complete and entertaining list-style article to submit to Cracked.com. That means I need comments, humorous or otherwise, that will help me refine the final article. Thanks in advance, Nate.
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Five Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes - Part 2
Over the next few days, I will be releasing five of my favorite Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes. My end goal for this exercise is to have a complete and entertaining list-style article to submit to Cracked.com. That means I need comments, humorous or otherwise, that will help me refine the final article. Thanks in advance, Nate.
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Five Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes - Part 1
Over the next few days, I will be releasing five of my favorite Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Scenes, starting with the scene below. My end goal for this exercise is to have a complete and entertaining list-style article to submit to Cracked.com. That means I need comments, humorous or otherwise, that will help me refine the final article. Thanks in advance, Nate.
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Article placed after jump to decrease home page bandwidth...
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The Power of Google
Back when I was in college, I had the worst possible thing happen to me: my TV broke. As you can imagine, I was pretty devastated. I didn't know what I was supposed to do without the ability to play video games between classes or watch the now-defunct UConn movie channel while I did my homework (RIP old friend). I still had the gym and dining hall, I suppose, but you can only lift and eat so much before its time to head home and veg out on the couch. (As a side note: have you ever tried sitting on your couch without any form of entertainment? I'm talking no TV, no laptop, no book, no magazine, no tablet, etc. It's pretty weird. Just sayin'.)
Anyway, back to my story. So my TV broke and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the money to buy a new one or have it shipped off somewhere to be repaired; hell, I barely had enough money to do my laundry at that point. Instead, I did the only thing I could think of...I turned to Google.
Google is truly an amazing thing. I think because it seems so simple and because we all throw the term "Google it" around so liberally, people tend to forget just how powerful it really is. Any problem you've ever had, big or small, has happened to someone else at some point in time, and chances are they've posted about it online. All you need to do is a little research, and more often than not you'll find an article or a forum post directly addressing your issue. For me, all I had to do was Google "TV picture dark but can still hear sound, Dell monitor" to find out that the type of TV I had (a converted HD Dell monitor) tended to have an issue where the backlight would burn out after a certain period of time. Digging a little deeper, I found a technical forum where a guy took the time to show people how to fix this problem on their own, step by step with pictures. From there, all I had to do was order the part I needed, follow this guy's instructions, and voila: my TV was fixed for the low price of $8. I was blown away.
Ever since then, I've used Google to solve virtually any problem I've run into. Car making a weird noise? Google it. Have a tiny lump on the roof of your mouth after you eat? Google it. Can't remember where you left your keys? Google it. (Okay, so maybe it can't help you solve EVERY problem in your life...but it's close!)
Even things that should be complex and out of my league have become doable with the help of Google. I recently solved an issue I was having with my Xbox where it wouldn't hook up to the internet because it didn't want to connect to the standard Xfinity Gateway set up at my house. Now, I still have no idea what things like "Port-Triggering", "DCHP", "Demilitarized Zone", and "Bridged Network" mean, but I have functioning internet on my Xbox because I Googled the problem I was having and followed the advice of people who'd been through the same thing. I didn't even need to fully understand the problem to fix it! How great is that!?
Anyway, moral of the story: if you have a problem, you should absolutely take the time to Google it before spending any time or money on a professional or some form of customer service. Chances are, someone out there has had the same problem as you and has either found a way to fix it or can let you know what your next steps need to be. Knowledge is power, people, and the internet is filled to the brim with the stuff. Take the time to use it. I promise you won't be disappointed.
So, with that, let's all lift a glass to the power of Google (or your desk flask if you're at work). Let's take a moment to appreciate our thankless hero, to pay our respects to this truly life-changing creation. Here's to you, Google! May you never become self-aware!
-Nate
Anyway, back to my story. So my TV broke and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the money to buy a new one or have it shipped off somewhere to be repaired; hell, I barely had enough money to do my laundry at that point. Instead, I did the only thing I could think of...I turned to Google.
 |
| I like to imagine this guy showed up to help me. |
Ever since then, I've used Google to solve virtually any problem I've run into. Car making a weird noise? Google it. Have a tiny lump on the roof of your mouth after you eat? Google it. Can't remember where you left your keys? Google it. (Okay, so maybe it can't help you solve EVERY problem in your life...but it's close!)
 |
| You can even use Google to find Google. Warning: May collapse universe. |
Even things that should be complex and out of my league have become doable with the help of Google. I recently solved an issue I was having with my Xbox where it wouldn't hook up to the internet because it didn't want to connect to the standard Xfinity Gateway set up at my house. Now, I still have no idea what things like "Port-Triggering", "DCHP", "Demilitarized Zone", and "Bridged Network" mean, but I have functioning internet on my Xbox because I Googled the problem I was having and followed the advice of people who'd been through the same thing. I didn't even need to fully understand the problem to fix it! How great is that!?
Anyway, moral of the story: if you have a problem, you should absolutely take the time to Google it before spending any time or money on a professional or some form of customer service. Chances are, someone out there has had the same problem as you and has either found a way to fix it or can let you know what your next steps need to be. Knowledge is power, people, and the internet is filled to the brim with the stuff. Take the time to use it. I promise you won't be disappointed.
So, with that, let's all lift a glass to the power of Google (or your desk flask if you're at work). Let's take a moment to appreciate our thankless hero, to pay our respects to this truly life-changing creation. Here's to you, Google! May you never become self-aware!
-Nate
Friday, February 15, 2013
A Perfect Day
I want you all to take a moment to try and think of the best time of your
life. Take as much time as you need. For some of you, this may be a fairly easy
exercise; your mind will jump instantly to your wedding night, or to the birth
of your child, or to that time you walked in on Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis
getting their Black Swan on in your bedroom (what do you mean it was just a movie!?). For the
rest of us, however, it isn't so simple trying to single out a "best time".
Sure, we can think of times we had fun—be it on a vacation in
Mexico or a night out with the boys—but more often than not it's difficult to pin down a
single day that really stood out above the rest.
That doesn't mean it won't ever happen, of course. At some point, we'll all experience it; it's inevitable. It could be tomorrow or it could be ten years from now, but the fact remains that each of us will eventually have one of these amazing days, the kind where you can't help but step back and reflect on it even as it's happening. The kind where you're eating lunch in the break room at work the next day smirking like an idiot and nobody has any idea why. I had one of these days myself just last week, and I'm man enough to admit that I've been smirking like an idiot ever since.
The last time I can remember having a day like this, the time that made me realize it was even possible, was at my buddy Mitch's wedding. The entire day was unforgettable, filled with great people, great food, and great times (and of course an endless supply of alcohol from the open bar). I was surrounded by all my best friends and a lot of our families. I got to ride in a party bus drinking champagne and have my picture taken on a bridge and a playground. I got to wear a stupid hat and party-boy the bride. I got to take a shuttle to a hotel and keep the party going for most of the night. It was honestly an incredible day, and it was the first time in my life I can ever remember waking up in the morning and being depressed at how good a time I'd had. I was convinced I'd never be as happy as I'd been in that moment, like I'd seen the top of mountain so to speak and would never be able to get there again. I was wrong.
Now for those of you looking for specifics, you can go ahead and stop reading now. The people involved know who they are and exactly what went down, and that's for us to share. As much as I'd like to shout it out to the world, to explain in intimate detail exactly how amazing this day was, there's just something special about it being ours alone. So, for the rest of your, I offer a consolation of sorts. I offer you the fragmented mural of my perfect day. Like that awesome dream you can never seem to fully remember, it contains pertinent moments and memories from throughout the day, and you're free to use your imagination to piece them together any way you'd like.
In fact, here's a fun thought: I'll offer $10 to anyone who thinks they can accurately construct my day from the following pictures and snippets, and another $10 to whoever comes up with the most creative story. Post your guesses in the comments below or send them to me on twitter (@NateCalvanese). I wish you all your own perfect day in the near future. Let the games begin!
-Nate
That doesn't mean it won't ever happen, of course. At some point, we'll all experience it; it's inevitable. It could be tomorrow or it could be ten years from now, but the fact remains that each of us will eventually have one of these amazing days, the kind where you can't help but step back and reflect on it even as it's happening. The kind where you're eating lunch in the break room at work the next day smirking like an idiot and nobody has any idea why. I had one of these days myself just last week, and I'm man enough to admit that I've been smirking like an idiot ever since.
The last time I can remember having a day like this, the time that made me realize it was even possible, was at my buddy Mitch's wedding. The entire day was unforgettable, filled with great people, great food, and great times (and of course an endless supply of alcohol from the open bar). I was surrounded by all my best friends and a lot of our families. I got to ride in a party bus drinking champagne and have my picture taken on a bridge and a playground. I got to wear a stupid hat and party-boy the bride. I got to take a shuttle to a hotel and keep the party going for most of the night. It was honestly an incredible day, and it was the first time in my life I can ever remember waking up in the morning and being depressed at how good a time I'd had. I was convinced I'd never be as happy as I'd been in that moment, like I'd seen the top of mountain so to speak and would never be able to get there again. I was wrong.
 |
| Did I mention I got to wear a baller tuxedo? |
In fact, here's a fun thought: I'll offer $10 to anyone who thinks they can accurately construct my day from the following pictures and snippets, and another $10 to whoever comes up with the most creative story. Post your guesses in the comments below or send them to me on twitter (@NateCalvanese). I wish you all your own perfect day in the near future. Let the games begin!
-Nate
 |
| Fragmented mural of my perfect day (in no particular order). |
Monday, February 11, 2013
Day by Day Snowmageddon - Part 3
(Below is a parody based on J.L. Bourne's Day By Day Armageddon
series. For the first two parts, use the Blog Archive to the right.)
Sunday, February 10, 2013
10:47pm EST
I can't quite seem to catch my breath. I've been running for the better part of the day, fleeing from figures and shadows I'm not certain even exist anymore. This time yesterday I was so sure, so steadfast in my beliefs. I knew what I knew, and no one could convince me otherwise. It was the Canadians and it was the Monsters, but more specifically it was my ex-partner Coal. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had evidence, intel. I thought I had facts. But it doesn't take much to see now that I didn't really have shit. Then again, I'm still running, aren't I? So I guess that means part of me still believes. Nevertheless, I'm starting to doubt everything I've come to know these past few days. Why would the Monsters bring this storm down? Why would they want to kill our operatives? What would that gain them?
Nothing, a voice whispers from the back of my mind. It would gain them nothing, I've been saying that for a while now. I can't help but agree, even as my feet continue to urge me forward.
I don't know where I'm running, though I do recall the sun setting at my back so I must be headed East. There's an old Ops safe house out by the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, somewhere below the main floor's security vault. There might be a weapons cache there. Not a bad idea, even if it's all in my head. Guess at least I have a plan now. -Nate
Monday, February 11, 2013
1:55am EST
I've made it to the casino safe house. I didn't have much trouble getting past security, as the requirements for entry in a place like this are often as simple as some identification and a few cryptic codewords. The place is deserted and looks like it has been for some time. Still, I can't help but feel like I'm being watch.
No, you're not being watched, relax. Everything's fine. You're safe here, just like you were safe in the last place. The words seem to echo in my mind.
Maybe I should lie down for a bit. -Nate
5:21am EST
My breath explodes from my lungs as I'm jolted awake by the impact. Immediately, I'm on my feet, circling my attacker. Coal. I never should've doubted myself. It was him, it was always him. Before I can think, he's on me, the soft padding of his paws smacking into my chest as he knocks me down to the ground.
Wait, paws? No, that isn't right... Yes it is, Nate...
His hot breath spills over me as he pants in my face, licking his chops excitedly as if he were ready to take a bite out of my face. I put up my hands to defend myself, pressing against his weight as best I can. I'm no match for his strength. Slowly, he pushes forward, and then...he licks me.
What the hell?
He licks me again, his rough dog tongue lapping playfully at my cheek.
Dog tongue? Lapping playfully? What is this? What the hell is happening? All too quickly, it becomes clear to me, courtesy of the quiet voice in the back of my mind: He's a dog, dude. He's your dog. He's live with you for years.
And the storm!? The conspiracy!? The Canadians!?
You live in New England; sack up. There isn't some grand conspiracy cooking every time it snows. That's just kinda how weather works here, so it's probably time you got used to it. As for your last question, I honestly have no idea where the Canadian thing came from...
When in doubt, blame Canada?
Fair enough.
Just like that, I break free from the spell and see myself as I really am: a guy bored during a snowstorm hanging out with his dog. Hammer and Holy weren't dead; they didn't exist. Neither did headquarters, neither did the safe house, and neither did the Monsters (super original name by the way, man). All that truly existed was the time passed by writing these entries. Oh, and this freak of nature:
All in all? Worth it.
Signing out for good,
Nate
Sunday, February 10, 2013
10:47pm EST
I can't quite seem to catch my breath. I've been running for the better part of the day, fleeing from figures and shadows I'm not certain even exist anymore. This time yesterday I was so sure, so steadfast in my beliefs. I knew what I knew, and no one could convince me otherwise. It was the Canadians and it was the Monsters, but more specifically it was my ex-partner Coal. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had evidence, intel. I thought I had facts. But it doesn't take much to see now that I didn't really have shit. Then again, I'm still running, aren't I? So I guess that means part of me still believes. Nevertheless, I'm starting to doubt everything I've come to know these past few days. Why would the Monsters bring this storm down? Why would they want to kill our operatives? What would that gain them?
Nothing, a voice whispers from the back of my mind. It would gain them nothing, I've been saying that for a while now. I can't help but agree, even as my feet continue to urge me forward.
I don't know where I'm running, though I do recall the sun setting at my back so I must be headed East. There's an old Ops safe house out by the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, somewhere below the main floor's security vault. There might be a weapons cache there. Not a bad idea, even if it's all in my head. Guess at least I have a plan now. -Nate
Monday, February 11, 2013
1:55am EST
I've made it to the casino safe house. I didn't have much trouble getting past security, as the requirements for entry in a place like this are often as simple as some identification and a few cryptic codewords. The place is deserted and looks like it has been for some time. Still, I can't help but feel like I'm being watch.
No, you're not being watched, relax. Everything's fine. You're safe here, just like you were safe in the last place. The words seem to echo in my mind.
Maybe I should lie down for a bit. -Nate
5:21am EST
My breath explodes from my lungs as I'm jolted awake by the impact. Immediately, I'm on my feet, circling my attacker. Coal. I never should've doubted myself. It was him, it was always him. Before I can think, he's on me, the soft padding of his paws smacking into my chest as he knocks me down to the ground.
Wait, paws? No, that isn't right... Yes it is, Nate...
His hot breath spills over me as he pants in my face, licking his chops excitedly as if he were ready to take a bite out of my face. I put up my hands to defend myself, pressing against his weight as best I can. I'm no match for his strength. Slowly, he pushes forward, and then...he licks me.
What the hell?
He licks me again, his rough dog tongue lapping playfully at my cheek.
Dog tongue? Lapping playfully? What is this? What the hell is happening? All too quickly, it becomes clear to me, courtesy of the quiet voice in the back of my mind: He's a dog, dude. He's your dog. He's live with you for years.
And the storm!? The conspiracy!? The Canadians!?
You live in New England; sack up. There isn't some grand conspiracy cooking every time it snows. That's just kinda how weather works here, so it's probably time you got used to it. As for your last question, I honestly have no idea where the Canadian thing came from...
When in doubt, blame Canada?
Fair enough.
Just like that, I break free from the spell and see myself as I really am: a guy bored during a snowstorm hanging out with his dog. Hammer and Holy weren't dead; they didn't exist. Neither did headquarters, neither did the safe house, and neither did the Monsters (super original name by the way, man). All that truly existed was the time passed by writing these entries. Oh, and this freak of nature:
 |
| The face of a killer. |
All in all? Worth it.
Signing out for good,
Nate
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Day by Day Snowmageddon - Part 2
(Below is a parody based on J.L. Bourne's Day By Day Armageddon series. For part 1, use the Blog Archive to the right or visit: http://nathancalvanese.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-by-day-snowmageddon-part-1.html)
Friday, February 8, 2013
11:53pm EST
I've been off the grid for the past fifteen hours or so now, and with good reason. Over the course of the day, what began as an already significant winter storm has transformed into a fierce and unrelenting blizzard, code named Nemo. Nemo. It's the only thing I've heard over the radio waves the past twelve hours. Nemo. How that word has come to haunt me...
The Canadians are behind the storm. Of this, I'm now sure. Who else could have come up with such a non-threatening name? Who else would be so cruel as to disarm us before sending a viscious blizzard to our doorstep? I can't help but think of my ex-partner Coal. Could he really be involved in this? Could I have really been so blind all this time? A transmission from an old Spec Ops buddy last night has heightened my suspicions, as he made mention of a rogue sect of Canadian terrorists known as the Monsters. It's hard to admit, but Coal does fit the profile. The Monsters are known to be exceptionally skilled at infiltration, so it wouldn't have been all that difficult for him to get a job at headquarters. Fooling a seasoned operative such as myself would've been a little more tricky, but not impossible. I can only hope that it's all in my head. -Nate
P.S. Hammer and Holy, stay safe out there, brothers. Keep your eyes to the North.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
8:13am EST
All hell broke loose this morning. Nemo took a drastic (albeit not unexpected) turn for the worse, slamming the entire Northeast with heavy snowfall and blustering winds. Despite predictions, 18-24" in Connecticut became upwards of 3 feet in many areas. The safe house I've been holed up in was pounded by 3 feet exactly, trapping me and my compatriots here for the foreseeable future. No matter. This will give me more time to continue my investigation. So far, I feel confident in painting Canada as the perpetrator and Connecticut as the target. The 'why' is still a mystery to me, as is the involvement of any of my peers. At least the storm seems to be dying down finally, and with minor casualties. As far as attacks go, this was pretty weak...more evidence that Canada is to blame. I'll check back when I know more, Nate.
3:44pm EST
Hammer and Holy are dead. I don't know how it happened. One second I had them on comms and the next they were just...gone. KIA according to sources at headquarters. KIA? How is that possible if they were locked down in the snow just like me? How could they be "Killed in Action" if there was no action? I can only assume there is something headquarters isn't telling me. I need to dig deeper. I need to find out what happened...
Wait. What if this was the plan all along? Think about it. What if the storm was all just a cover? What if they were using the distraction of snow to separate and isolate their real targets: namely Hammer and Holy at this point. Rumors have potentially one or two more operatives dead, though headquarters hasn't made that official yet. Four men down in a span of 4 hours, following a mysterious storm with ties to Canada and the Monsters? It can't be a coincidence. There's something more going on here. And I'm gonna find out exactly what is it. -Nate
5:19pm EST
Coal is here. I don't know how he found me or what he wants, but he's here. There's no time to think about it. I have to go. Special operatives have been dropping like flies since the storm hit. I'm not planning on being the next one. My fellow hideouts should be safe so long as they stay out of Coal's way. I can't believe he's with them. I can't believe he'd do this. My partner, all those years...a Monster? No, no time to dwell on it. Gotta run. -Nate
Friday, February 8, 2013
11:53pm EST
I've been off the grid for the past fifteen hours or so now, and with good reason. Over the course of the day, what began as an already significant winter storm has transformed into a fierce and unrelenting blizzard, code named Nemo. Nemo. It's the only thing I've heard over the radio waves the past twelve hours. Nemo. How that word has come to haunt me...
The Canadians are behind the storm. Of this, I'm now sure. Who else could have come up with such a non-threatening name? Who else would be so cruel as to disarm us before sending a viscious blizzard to our doorstep? I can't help but think of my ex-partner Coal. Could he really be involved in this? Could I have really been so blind all this time? A transmission from an old Spec Ops buddy last night has heightened my suspicions, as he made mention of a rogue sect of Canadian terrorists known as the Monsters. It's hard to admit, but Coal does fit the profile. The Monsters are known to be exceptionally skilled at infiltration, so it wouldn't have been all that difficult for him to get a job at headquarters. Fooling a seasoned operative such as myself would've been a little more tricky, but not impossible. I can only hope that it's all in my head. -Nate
P.S. Hammer and Holy, stay safe out there, brothers. Keep your eyes to the North.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
8:13am EST
All hell broke loose this morning. Nemo took a drastic (albeit not unexpected) turn for the worse, slamming the entire Northeast with heavy snowfall and blustering winds. Despite predictions, 18-24" in Connecticut became upwards of 3 feet in many areas. The safe house I've been holed up in was pounded by 3 feet exactly, trapping me and my compatriots here for the foreseeable future. No matter. This will give me more time to continue my investigation. So far, I feel confident in painting Canada as the perpetrator and Connecticut as the target. The 'why' is still a mystery to me, as is the involvement of any of my peers. At least the storm seems to be dying down finally, and with minor casualties. As far as attacks go, this was pretty weak...more evidence that Canada is to blame. I'll check back when I know more, Nate.
3:44pm EST
Hammer and Holy are dead. I don't know how it happened. One second I had them on comms and the next they were just...gone. KIA according to sources at headquarters. KIA? How is that possible if they were locked down in the snow just like me? How could they be "Killed in Action" if there was no action? I can only assume there is something headquarters isn't telling me. I need to dig deeper. I need to find out what happened...
Wait. What if this was the plan all along? Think about it. What if the storm was all just a cover? What if they were using the distraction of snow to separate and isolate their real targets: namely Hammer and Holy at this point. Rumors have potentially one or two more operatives dead, though headquarters hasn't made that official yet. Four men down in a span of 4 hours, following a mysterious storm with ties to Canada and the Monsters? It can't be a coincidence. There's something more going on here. And I'm gonna find out exactly what is it. -Nate
5:19pm EST
Coal is here. I don't know how he found me or what he wants, but he's here. There's no time to think about it. I have to go. Special operatives have been dropping like flies since the storm hit. I'm not planning on being the next one. My fellow hideouts should be safe so long as they stay out of Coal's way. I can't believe he's with them. I can't believe he'd do this. My partner, all those years...a Monster? No, no time to dwell on it. Gotta run. -Nate
Friday, February 8, 2013
Day By Day Snowmageddon - Part 1
(The below is a parody of J.L. Bourne's Day by Day Armageddon series. For zombie buffs out there, this is a must read. Seriously, check it out right now.)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
10:01am EST
High volume of chatter on Facebook this morning regarding the possibility of a snowstorm in the coming days.The claims are unsubstantiated as of yet. Will investigate further. This journal will serve to track my findings as well as document any event that may occur. As of now, I'm as much in the dark as anyone else.Will report back when I hear more. -Nate
5:21pm EST
Sources at weather.com confirm earlier reports of a possible snowstorm, putting our risk of snowfall above 90%. Current estimates show Oxford receiving roughly 4-6" of snow. No big deal. New England sees greater totals pretty much every year and has already surpassed that number on at least one occasion this winter. I see no reason to continue documentation. Signing off, Nate.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
11:13am EST
BREAKING NEWS: An increase in Facebook chatter this morning prompted me to revisit my sources at weather.com, and the results were harrowing to say the least. Weather experts have broken snowfall projections out into striations, with each strip or zone representing a different amount of snowfall. The zones are fairly parallel, with one alarming exception: a single, thin strip reaching out from the heavy projection areas of Vermont and New Hampshire down through Massachusetts into Connecticut. The very tip of this strip, somehow, manages to cover Oxford, shifting our projection from 4-6" to 6-12".
Something about the shape of the anomaly seems off to me, but I can't quite place what it is. Right now, all I know for sure is that I was wrong to dismiss the storm so quickly. Later on tonight, I plan on bunkering down at headquarters with my partner Coal and prepping myself for the coming days. It's still possible the storm could turn out to be weaker than what's being predicted, but I feel we'd be better off not taking any chances. Better to be safe than sorry, right? -Nate
6:39pm EST
It's only taken me a half-hour of research back at headquarters to start piecing together what's going on here. Since my last entry, the rogue strip reaching down from the north has strengthened it's foothold in Connecticut, boosting snowfall projections from 6-12" to 18-24". Needless to say, that ominous feeling I felt when I first saw the strip has intensified, fueling my curiosity beyond just cursory monitoring. I feel the need to dig deeper, to figure out what exactly it is that seems so out of place about the random stretch of heavy snowfall that's invaded our state. Looking closer, I can begin to make out the pattern, the distinctive shape that'd originally grabbed my attention. Could it be? Dusting off some old medical books on human anatomy, I can see my conclusion holds weight.
The oblong strip, the rogue zone if you will, bears the shape of a fist and middle finger extending down from Canada into our tiny state. Is it possible the Canadians have something to do with this? Could they have found a way to force the storm to our doorstep? Are they merely protecting themselves? I'll have to investigate further. All I know for sure is that something is very off about this sudden snowstorm. And I intend to get to the bottom of it. -Nate
11:12pm EST
Haven't found anything yet to help substantiate my theories. Will try more in the morning. For now, I plan on getting a good night's sleep and preparing myself for what's coming in the morning. It's supposed to start early. We'll see. Either way, I'll be here, and I'll be ready. Signing off for now, Nate.
Friday, February 8, 2013
7:34am EST
Chaos. Panic. I awake to a buzzing phone and the deafening patter of snowfall. Something isn't right. It wasn't supposed to start this soon. Ripping myself out of bed, I stumble over to the nearest window and witness for myself the airy assault. Snowflakes fall in every direction, tiny and white, drifting down from the clouds like a billion little bombs. They've already covered the roads with a quarter-inch coat of snowfall and are threatening to cover the grass as well. My phone buzzes again.
I rush to my bed to answer it, and the voices at the other end urge me to abandon my post. My eyes drift over to my trusted partner Coal as I listen. He seems oddly at ease at the sight of the storm. In fact, he almost seems happy, excited even... Is it possible that he could be in on this? Could my own partner be working with the Canadians? There's no time to waste in finding out. Headquarters is comprised, whether Coal is connected or not; the voices on the phone are quite convincing of that. They tell me I have to get out of here, that I have to find my way to safety. They send me details of a safe-house before hanging up the phone.
Before I can think, I'm racing for my car with my pack of gear slung over my shoulder. I turn the key and suddenly I'm in the thick of it, fluffy whiteness all around me like a smothering swarm of mallow. I can't let it deter me. I have to get out. And so I do, screeching out into the road before slamming on the accelerator. The last thing I see before I go is Coal stepping out from the headquarters, a look of devilish joy on his face as the snow falls down around him. And then he's gone.
To be continued....
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
10:01am EST
High volume of chatter on Facebook this morning regarding the possibility of a snowstorm in the coming days.The claims are unsubstantiated as of yet. Will investigate further. This journal will serve to track my findings as well as document any event that may occur. As of now, I'm as much in the dark as anyone else.Will report back when I hear more. -Nate
5:21pm EST
Sources at weather.com confirm earlier reports of a possible snowstorm, putting our risk of snowfall above 90%. Current estimates show Oxford receiving roughly 4-6" of snow. No big deal. New England sees greater totals pretty much every year and has already surpassed that number on at least one occasion this winter. I see no reason to continue documentation. Signing off, Nate.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
11:13am EST
BREAKING NEWS: An increase in Facebook chatter this morning prompted me to revisit my sources at weather.com, and the results were harrowing to say the least. Weather experts have broken snowfall projections out into striations, with each strip or zone representing a different amount of snowfall. The zones are fairly parallel, with one alarming exception: a single, thin strip reaching out from the heavy projection areas of Vermont and New Hampshire down through Massachusetts into Connecticut. The very tip of this strip, somehow, manages to cover Oxford, shifting our projection from 4-6" to 6-12".
Something about the shape of the anomaly seems off to me, but I can't quite place what it is. Right now, all I know for sure is that I was wrong to dismiss the storm so quickly. Later on tonight, I plan on bunkering down at headquarters with my partner Coal and prepping myself for the coming days. It's still possible the storm could turn out to be weaker than what's being predicted, but I feel we'd be better off not taking any chances. Better to be safe than sorry, right? -Nate
6:39pm EST
It's only taken me a half-hour of research back at headquarters to start piecing together what's going on here. Since my last entry, the rogue strip reaching down from the north has strengthened it's foothold in Connecticut, boosting snowfall projections from 6-12" to 18-24". Needless to say, that ominous feeling I felt when I first saw the strip has intensified, fueling my curiosity beyond just cursory monitoring. I feel the need to dig deeper, to figure out what exactly it is that seems so out of place about the random stretch of heavy snowfall that's invaded our state. Looking closer, I can begin to make out the pattern, the distinctive shape that'd originally grabbed my attention. Could it be? Dusting off some old medical books on human anatomy, I can see my conclusion holds weight.
The oblong strip, the rogue zone if you will, bears the shape of a fist and middle finger extending down from Canada into our tiny state. Is it possible the Canadians have something to do with this? Could they have found a way to force the storm to our doorstep? Are they merely protecting themselves? I'll have to investigate further. All I know for sure is that something is very off about this sudden snowstorm. And I intend to get to the bottom of it. -Nate
11:12pm EST
Haven't found anything yet to help substantiate my theories. Will try more in the morning. For now, I plan on getting a good night's sleep and preparing myself for what's coming in the morning. It's supposed to start early. We'll see. Either way, I'll be here, and I'll be ready. Signing off for now, Nate.
Friday, February 8, 2013
7:34am EST
Chaos. Panic. I awake to a buzzing phone and the deafening patter of snowfall. Something isn't right. It wasn't supposed to start this soon. Ripping myself out of bed, I stumble over to the nearest window and witness for myself the airy assault. Snowflakes fall in every direction, tiny and white, drifting down from the clouds like a billion little bombs. They've already covered the roads with a quarter-inch coat of snowfall and are threatening to cover the grass as well. My phone buzzes again.
I rush to my bed to answer it, and the voices at the other end urge me to abandon my post. My eyes drift over to my trusted partner Coal as I listen. He seems oddly at ease at the sight of the storm. In fact, he almost seems happy, excited even... Is it possible that he could be in on this? Could my own partner be working with the Canadians? There's no time to waste in finding out. Headquarters is comprised, whether Coal is connected or not; the voices on the phone are quite convincing of that. They tell me I have to get out of here, that I have to find my way to safety. They send me details of a safe-house before hanging up the phone.
Before I can think, I'm racing for my car with my pack of gear slung over my shoulder. I turn the key and suddenly I'm in the thick of it, fluffy whiteness all around me like a smothering swarm of mallow. I can't let it deter me. I have to get out. And so I do, screeching out into the road before slamming on the accelerator. The last thing I see before I go is Coal stepping out from the headquarters, a look of devilish joy on his face as the snow falls down around him. And then he's gone.
To be continued....
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
The Blackout Bowl and the Return of Papa Nizz
The last post I left on this blog was a preview of the Giants-Patriots Superbowl from last year. That's a full twelve months without activity. For those wondering: no, I did not go into a self-destructive tailspin after watching Eli Manning win his second Superbowl MVP in five years, nor did I slide into a crippling depression after the Eagles only won four games this year. I've simply been busy with work and life (weak excuse, I know), and haven't had the time to give this thing my full attention, which is something that's important to me. No one wants to read one post a month or anything like that. Ideally, I'd like to be able to post something every day, but I'm not sure how realistic that is. For now, I'm planning on trying to get something up here every couple days or so, so stick with me people. Papa Nizz's Story Corner: Take Two!
 |
| OMG he's back!!! |
Since my last post was about the Superbowl, I figured it'd only be right for my first post back to cover the Superbowl as well. This year's game, as anyone who watched knows, was pretty awesome, even without a true rooting interest. Either team could've won and I would've been fine with it. Basically, it was the opposite of last year, when I was rooting for a third team to inexplicably show up at half-time, rush the field, cash in the NFL version of the Money in the Bank briefcase from pro wrestling, and win the title themselves. If only Vince McMahon ran the NFL, right? A guy can dream...
Anyway, I was stuck with the Ravens and Niners, two teams that I honestly had no problem with. So how did I decide who to root for? Simple, I used math...or more accurately a combination of math and self-delusion. But mostly math. Now follow my logic here: the Eagles beat the Ravens in week 2 of the season, clearing proving they were the superior team. So if the Ravens were to beat the Niners and win the Superbowl (becoming the alleged "best team in the league") then, by the transitive property, the Eagles would end up the top team in the whole NFL instead of, you know, the fourth worst. In the words of White Goodman: ipso facto...we're the champs. That, combined with the chance to tease my buddy Tmo (a diehard Steelers fan), made the choice an easy one for me. For one night, I was a Ravens fan.
Things looked good for the first 31 minutes of the game, as the Ravens raced out to a 28-6 lead on the first play of the second half. After that, things got weird. First, the power went out in half the stadium (New Orleans revenge on Roger Goodell?), leaving the CBS crew and sideline reporters to fumble their way through a half hour of dead airtime. Then, minutes before the blackout ended, coach John Harbaugh was shown laying into a stadium employee or official of some kind while Temper Tantrum Jimmy remained relatively calm (this obviously didn't mean anything, I just thought it was weird that big bro John would lose his cool while binky-wielding Jim kept it together). Lastly, the Niners went on a 23-3 run after the blackout ended to bring the score within 2, prompting the normal media nutjobs to start screaming words like "conspiracy" and "asterisk" as if the Niners had purposely concocted some diabolical scheme to stop the Ravens momentum.
For a moment, I felt the Eagles title chances slipping away. I could barely believe the Ravens would ruin this for them. It just seemed like such a selfish, childish thing to do. Apparently, the Ravens players agreed, because they mananged to pull themselves together to get the 34-31 win, with or without an assist from the officials, depending on what team you were rooting for.
 |
| What's that, Jimmy? You don't agree with the call? |
Just like that, the Ravens were Superbowl champions, and, by the transitive property, the Eagles were something more. Ipso facto...we're the champs. Delusional? Maybe. Logical? Yes. Will I be holding my own parade in Oxford this weekend? Yes. Aside from that, was it a great game? Definitely.
Thanks for stopping in people!
-Nate
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